I'm delighted to share with you this simple yet potent 3-step self-healing process I use that I invite you to do on your own. I've put myself through this process many, many times for various issues. It never fails to lighten my load and create a welcome shift. I've also used this process with clients and in my workshops. I've received many a report that it works wonders.

It just may be the case that the main thing standing between where you are now and where you wish to be in your life—whether in love, career, finances, and general well-being—is your need for healing. We all have wounds hungry for a salve. We all have a past that needs to be put in the past. We're all carrying baggage, but we're so used to the weight we don't realize it's there. Meanwhile it's impeding us, unbeknownst.


Identify something about yourself that you'd like to heal, transform, or overcome.

Carve out a good chunk of uninterrupted time so you can go deep and be comprehensive in this process. I personally reserve an entire afternoon when I do this process for myself. I recommend you earmark at the very least an hour, but ideally more. Another option is to do each step staggered, in separate windows of time.

•  Grab a journal and a pen and curl up somewhere relaxing.

•  I like to turn this exercise into a lovely ritual.

I’ll begin with a meditation, lighting a soy-wax candle, burning essential oils in a diffuser (I love a blend of sandalwood, lavender and bergamot). I also love crystals, fresh flowers in thoughtfully selected colors, herbal tea… Choose the rituals that work for you. Whatever enhances your experience.




1. Thoughtfully, thoroughly, and at length in your journal, write out all your negative associations with the issue you wish to heal.

Get to the bottom of it, squeezing out every drop of water until you've wrung the issue dry. Why do you wish to heal it? How is it bothering you, perhaps even ruining your life? Document your pain, disappointment, frustration, anger, shame, and powerlessness with regards to this issue. Be a victim. Let your inner child have his or her say. Be "immature" about it, be a "brat."

How were you made to feel? Violated? Humiliated? Abandoned? And what less than ideal consequences did this create in your life? (Addiction? Dysfunctional behaviors? Neuroses? Insecurity? Abandonment issues? Promiscuity? Anxiety? Depression? Feelings of not being enough? Being too much? Not being lovable? Not being seen? Intimacy issues? Commitment issues? Trust issues?)

2. Now shift gears and thoughtfully, thoroughly, and at length, change your angle… this time you are going to write about ONLY the upside of what you need to heal, the upside of what you went through.

How did the experience serve you? What unexpected gifts and deeper understandings of life did it yield? What was the silver lining? What lessons did you learn? How did the experience enrich your life? How did it make you a better person? What's the positive, powerful take-away?

What is the higher meaning of your having gone through that experience? What new understandings of life, of human beings, and most importantly of yourself, did this experience yield? What "compassionate, understanding, generous spin" can you place upon the other person's behavior?

What would the "enlightened" wisdom-warrior perspective be on what you went through? What would spiritual writings or teachers you admire advise you about it? What potent, productive, and truly helpful philosophical spin could you put on what you went through?

3. Now the fun really begins because you are going to actively "change your story"… you will rewrite the whole thing into a brand new personal truth, a hero's journey, a transcendent tale of overcoming.

For instance, let's say I was writing about having been put up for adoption. For step one I would write about being born "unwanted," "abandoned," without a family or a name and then never experiencing "straightforward" family belonging.

For step two I would write about how as a result of this experience I understand nuanced issues of "belonging" more than most, I have great compassion for all forms of human difference, and I know what it's like to be adopted and understand alternative family formations.

Then for step three, I would change the story altogether to honor the hero's journey we are all on. My radically revised narrative would be: "I left home at birth! My soul was eager to experience adventures in kinship and to embark on an exhilarating life-long process of self-creation and self-invention..."

Doesn't the story you create in step #3 feel so preferable?

It's so much more inspiring, empowered, meaningful, and rich. And it's perfectly true as well. It's not a lie you make up to feel better about what you've been through. It's a higher truth, an absolute truth when looked at from a spiritual perspective.

For everything we've been through has literally happened for us, for our palpable, tangible, literal benefit! Seeing it this way and embracing the more empowered story can instantly remove a whole lot of blocks from our paths, make us more magnetic, and hence more ripe to attract to us the life experiences we are wishing for.

I hope this 3-step process serves you mightily on your path!

May your healing journey be blessed, and may it lead you to the freedom, magic, and wholeness that awaits you!

Naomi Pabst