Five years ago now, under deep hypnosis, the hypnotherapist asked me to name my life’s greatest accomplishment. I didn’t say, “earning my PhD,” or “receiving this or that award or fellowship,” or “teaching at Harvard,” or “teaching at Yale.” No, not at all. I didn’t even name the birth of my children whom I love more than life itself! Without missing a beat, what I said was, “my relationship with Don.”
Don is my beloved husband. And the truth is that the fulfilling, joyous, and magical relationship I enjoy with him now has been hard-won. When Don and I met, 13 years ago now, we fell madly and head over heels into something very powerful and very karmic. Our relationship had a life of its own.
Since the moment I laid eyes on him, I’ve been stuck on Don. Upon first sight I recognized him as my future husband. (Fittingly, this was right around the time my psychic abilities were presenting themselves to me.) I was compelled by Don and gripped by our mutual fascination with each other. This added to passion, chemistry, and an entirely intense bond. But for the first several years of knowing one another, I was baffled by the frustrations and mysteries of this relationship that had landed in my lap.
Love had beckoned and Don and I had no choice but to follow that beckon. Afterall, love is a force far stronger than will-power—we couldn’t help ourselves. This, even as the dynamic between us was neither easy nor straightforward. We were both afraid of the strength of our connection, we were both unwilling to relinquish control and independence, we were both all too eager to engage in a power struggle as a first line of attack, and neither of us was above a show of one-upmanship. (Yikes—with self-love in my heart, I smilingly cringe at the old me.)
My relationship has taught me through personal experience the lesson in love that I live to teach people now: That love’s magic and pixie dust is real and rewarding, but it’s also ALWAYS a lure into life’s rigorous classroom. Love is how life gets us to willingly enter that tough study hall. For there is no greater teacher than love. And my goodness, have I ever learned a lot on this journey through love’s trenches with Don!
For years, along with the abundant delights we shared together, Don and I endured conflicts, “incompatibilities,” and seemingly insurmountable roadblocks. These kinds of challenges would have been deal-breakers for the old me, and yet I was continuously led to forge past the urge to flee, and to refrain from saying and thinking the worst.
I was instead consistently guided to stay planted in that desk-chair in the front row of love’s classroom, in order to learn all that I could, in order to become all that I could. And learn I did. Study I did. Research I did. I turned to my tarot cards obsessively and they offered me generous and wise counsel, for myself and for others. Through the powerful, authoritative guidance of my cards, I was forced to change how I perceive life, the world, and other people. By extension, I was forced to become a far grander, stronger, bigger, and better version of myself.
Wanting to understand love even more thoroughly, I read every book on relationships I could get my hands on. I also attended several workshops put on by Alison Armstrong’s organization PAX. I even studied with Alison herself intensively for one full year in her Mastery and Leadership program, flying to various places in the country to attend her teachings, where we also learned how to teach what we’d learned masterfully.
My hunger for expertise in relationships and the differences in programming between males and females, plus my applying these teachings within my relationship, enabled me to iron out pretty much every kink in my connection with Don.
Turns out we don’t need to suffer as we do in our relationships. We just need to know what we’re doing! And knowing what we’re doing means learning the “how to” of relationships. It means learning the A-B-C’s and the advanced calculus of relationships. We don’t need to be bumbling and fumbling our way through our love lives. We don’t need to be living out these flip-flops between good times and high drama, excruciating disappointment, or mind-numbing exasperation.
Yes, transforming my relationship from a crazy rollercoaster-meets-bumper-car-ride, into something that flows, fulfills, and remains hotly passionate all these years later, has been my greatest accomplishment! It has been a steep learning curve. But mastering my love life has been my greatest victory ever. And now one of my chief callings is to help others experience their own powerful victory in their love lives.
Are you by chance longing for a more fulfilling love life, whether the restoral of fireworks in an existing relationship, or the arrival of The One? If so, please attend my upcoming one-day workshop/retreat called: LOVE LIFE MASTERY: infuse your relationships with magic. Learn the “how to” of attracting and then maintaining the amazing relationship of your dreams. And put the frustration, longing, disappointment, and cheap drama of your relationship history firmly where it belongs, in your past.